Why HypnoBirthing Isn't Something You Can "Fail"
“Oh I tried to do HypnoBirthing but I failed.”
This is a phrase I see in my Facebook feed now and again - birthing people posting in groups or comments that their experience didn’t go the way they envisioned; that they failed at HypnoBirthing or didn’t have a “hypnobirth”, and wondering why it went wrong.
Alanna Farmer Photography
Having used HypnoBirthing personally and teaching it for many years, I am naturally very curious about the variety in which other people use the techniques and generally feel about the “method”. Like all things, responses vary but of course they are generally positive - otherwise HypnoBirthing wouldn’t be as popular as it is after 30 years (heck even royal princesses use these techniques)! I appreciate that everyone has a different experience with the tools the course provides, and acknowledge that some people are less satisfied than others… but something that I feel very strongly about is the fact that it’s impossible to FAIL at “HypnoBirthing”.
You see, that’s because HypnoBirthing - at least the way I teach it - doesn’t have an exact picture of what birth should look like. In fact I would recommend running VERY far away from any birthing class that tells you the “best” way for you to birth! There is a lot we can control when it comes to our pregnancies and births, but there is also so much that is outside of our control and cannot be predicted even with the most “perfect” preparation or the most medicalized setting. HypnoBirthing isn’t a magic pill and we don’t make guarantees for certain outcomes.
Yes, in HypnoBirthing classes we do focus on instinctive birthing and the benefits of an undisturbed physiologic birth for both mom and baby, but it would be extremely short sighted for any birth educator or professional to proclaim that one set path is what’s best for ALL families. We do need to have a baseline of how bodies and babies are designed to birth before we can truly make informed decisions regarding medical interventions, otherwise parents may be choosing them unnecessarily or out of fear alone. There is no doubt that Western medical intervention is causing harm when overused, but that doesn’t mean we need to rid of it altogether - it is a set of valuable (and sometimes life saving) tools, much like the breathing and relaxation techniques we teach in class.
My teaching focus is to share information and techniques that allow families to be calm and confident in their decision making skills throughout their pregnancies and birthing journeys… however they unfold. Since having a HypnoBirth doesn’t equal only unmedicated vaginal births, you really can’t fail at this program!
It’s quite simple really: you learn techniques, and you use them however they are needed.
Many of my students who had a medically necessary induction or cesarean said they were incredibly grateful for what they learned in class; when plans went out the window they were able to stay present and enjoy their babies birthing day as much as possible. In fact, those situations were likely unavoidable regardless of how they prepared, so having learned HypnoBirthing techniques likely mitigated how stressful those situations turned out to be. Simply learning these important life skills (that are very much needed throughout the parenting journey) means you WILL use them pretty much automatically. So if you screamed your baby out, got a cesarean, or asked for pain medication and feel like you failed - I’m here to tell you that you absolutely succeeded! YOU DID IT! You changed your mindset, got informed, committed to practicing, and used those tools when you needed them to birth your baby.
It’s impossible to fail at birth. In fact, there are ONLY successes in childbirth - every new baby is a glorious success however they arrive! HypnoBirthing is for ALL types of people and ALL types of births.
My HypnoBirthing students sharing their proud “I Did It” moments right after birthing their babies
Here are my Top 5 tips for making the most out of your HypnoBirthing education:
Find a care provider who really shares your vision for this birth, not someone who is simply “tolerant” or says they are open depending on how things go. You want a provider who will actively fight for your desires! Interview them at every appointment to ensure you are still on the same page.
Prioritize good nutrition and make time for regular activity/exercise throughout your pregnancy. A healthy body is less likely to have unintended “surprises” at the end of pregnancy, warranting interventions.
MAKE time to practice your HypnoBirthing techniques! You are never going to FIND the time, you must MAKE it. Your practice doesn’t have to look one certain way, insert it into your life in a way that makes sense. Talk to your HypnoBirthing instructor for guidance if you are struggling with this.
Create boundaries with people who only want to impart negativity on your plans. Yes they may be well meaning, but if it’s causing stress, that’s not good for anyone so it may be time to limit your interactions with that person/people.
Recognize that your birthing belongs to you and your baby - no one else. Maintain ownership of your birth and remember that you make all the decisions, with the help of the birth team you have selected.
